Total Eclipse of the Heart
by curlygirl515
Summary: Instead of being so understanding after Jacob and Bella's kiss in Eclipse, Edward reacts much differently. Can Bella and Edward work everything out or has their love been eclipsed?
1. Chapter 1

BPOV

As Jacob walked away, one thought entered my head. _Edward_. How would I ever face him? What would he say to me? What would I say to him? What _could_ I say to him? I barely registered the tears that began welling up in my eyes as horror filled me and my stomach dropped deep, deep down into the pit of guilt that threatened to overwhelm me.

I don't know how long I stood there, my entire being filled with dread, before one thought brought me back to my senses. _Edward_. He didn't deserve to see my tears in addition to witnessing my infidelity with Jacob. I quickly wiped my eyes, trying to stop more tears from falling. Taking deep breaths, I prepared to face Edward.

EPOV

 _Has enough time passed? Did she choose him? Is she safe? Is she gone?_ I paced back and forth in the forest, walking at human speed as I grew more and more impatient. I did not want to rush Bella or her decision. I knew she loved me, but deep down, I had to admit to myself that she loved the dog as well. So, I was trying to give her the space she needed to make the best decision for her. I would not force her into choosing me, she owed me nothing. I did not want her to make a decision because she felt trapped by me or our engagement.

 _Engagement_. Even in the current situation, the idea of Bella being my fiancée brought a short-lived smile to my face. I tried not to allow myself to look forward to a wedding day with her, who knows how her talk with Jacob was going, but I could not help myself envisioning Bella floating down the aisle towards me. I wanted nothing more than for everyone to know that Bella was mine forever, that she had chosen me, and that we were in love.

However, I was not sure that I even knew that for sure anymore.

I _would_ allow Bella to make the right decision for her. I would forever watch over her and keep her safe, but if she chose… the dog, I would respect it. Yes, I would let her go if that is what she wished.

A small part of brain nagged at me. _Could I let her go?_ I had already been selfish when it came to Bella. I had no right to interfere with her life last year in the first place. I had to right to agree to change her into a vampire. And yet, I could not stop myself from fulfilling my selfish desires. I began to fear that selfishly, I could not let Bella go again. When the time came, if she actually chose the dog, could I handle the pain?

 _Ew, Jake…no one wants to see that_. Seth's mental complaining alerted me. I probed his mind, looking for source of disgust.

Suddenly, _agony_. Seth's mind filled with the images of Bella and Jacob entwined and passionately kissing. This was not before, Bella did not stand stiff and unresponsive. She was _kissing him back_. I felt my mouth drop in horror as Seth (and I) had to witness Bella winding her arms around Jacob's neck to pull her small frame closer to his huge one as if they were not pressed tightly enough.

I felt my eyes begin to sting with vampire tears as the dog began to kiss down Bella's throat, nipping at her ear. A sob almost escaped me as Bella shivered in happiness as his actions. I tried to block the rest of it but it was too powerful and I could not help but shudder with every thought that slipped through.

I could not stop the first thought that came into my head: how could she?

I was horrified at my selfishness. I had already decided that I would not pressure Bella into any decision but the agony of seeing her _with_ him was more overwhelming than I had ever imagined.

I crumbled to my knees, uncertain of how to proceed. _Should I go to her? Does she want me? Does she need me?_ I was conflicted as I considered what to do. One thought suddenly had me on my feet and returning to Bella. _Newborns._

I knew that no matter what had happened between Bella and the mutt, I could not leave her unprotected. Even if she chose him, I had vowed that I would never allow any harm to come to my Bella.

I felt myself slowing down to a human pace as I approached the tent. Bella's heartbeat playing in my ears, but I did not feel the same amount of comfort that I usually did from her heart. In the air, I picked up the familiar scent of her blood mixed with salt. She had been crying. My instincts to immediately comfort her did not kick in and once again, I felt confused about how to proceed. Not only did I not know if she would even want comfort from _me_ , I was not sure if I would be able to provide any comfort to her. I knew she did not deserve my anger but I could not seem to be able to control my pain. I was not sure if I could control my emotions in front of Bella. Drawing upon decades of practice, I tried to make my expression smooth, eyes emotionless as I unzipped the tent and stepped in to face Bella.

BPOV

As I heard the tent unzip, my breath caught in my throat. Ignoring the small part of me that hoped for Jacob, I braced myself as Edward gracefully stepped into the tent. I searched his face, looking for any indication that he had seen what happened and what his reaction was, but his face was blank. I felt my heart sink as I knew he was trying to hide his emotions behind this façade.

In a rare stroke of good luck, Edward saved me from having to speak first as he opened his mouth.

"The newborn army will be here shortly—we should stay together," he stated flatly, his voice void of any inflection. All I could do was nod.

He crawled to the side of the tent furthest from me and crossed his legs. I tried to meet his gaze but he refused to look at me, staring at the floor and becoming as still as a statue. Suppressing a sigh, I shifted slightly closer to him. Edward's breath caught but he otherwise made no indication that he noticed my movement. Taking this as encouragement, I moved all the way to him, sitting so close in front of him that our knees were touching. Still, he made no move to look at him.

"Edward?"

No response. Sighing, I tried again, this time grabbing his hand.

"Edward." He pulled his hand away from mine but finally meet my gaze. For a moment, I saw his blank stare slip, revealing the tortured agony underneath and the guilt that filled me threatened to overtake me for a moment.

Edward responded in the same flat voice as before, "Yes Bella?" I ignored the pain in my heart as I went on. I knew that our conversation would get to this point eventually and I felt myself dive right in to what could be a disastrous exchange.

"Did you—"

"Yes," he quickly cut me off. I tried to reach for his hand again but he moved his before I made contact. "Please don't," he pleaded, momentarily revealing the pain in his eyes. "I'm just not ready to talk to you about this yet. Please just let me get you safely through these next few hours. Please."

The guilt spiraled out of control; even after I had betrayed him, my safety meant more to him than anything else. I knew that I didn't deserve him but selfishly I wondered if things could be fixed between us.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for everyone who started reading my story! This is my very first fanfiction- I've been wanting to write fanfic for a while and finally decided to go for it! This is going to be a shorter chapter but I wanted to upload something quickly! Please feel free to review and rate- I'm trying to decide if I want to keep going back and forth POV-wise or if I want to do longer segments from each perspective... Anyway, thanks everyone!**

BPOV

Looking in the mirror, I sighed for what seemed the umpteenth time within the last hour. As had been the case the other times, Alice simply gave me a pitying look and continued to brush my hair. The battle with the newborns had gone pretty much according to plan. The only hitch was Victoria revealing herself as the mastermind behind the attack and she fought with Edward. He defeated her and Riley, her second-in-command, with Seth's help. The Volturi guard had also come following the battle but luckily departed after delivering a sinister warning about my still being human. All in all, the day went fine. No one was hurt. Jacob was fine. All of the wolves were unharmed. The Cullens survived intact. But, as soon as the Volturi had left, Edward immediately ran in the other direction, leaving Alice to take me back to the Cullens' house.

He hadn't returned in the several hours that Alice had spent playing Dress-Up Barbie Doll Bella and I began to realize that he was avoiding me. My heart sank even deeper than before at the realization. I felt my eyes begin to sting but I stubbornly resisted the tears. The pain I felt at Edward's rejection was no one's fault but my own. After kissing Jacob, I didn't deserve any less than for Edward to avoid me forever. This thought earned yet another sigh. Alice finally seemed to sense my discomfort and put down the brush.

"Okay," she announced, a false chipper note in her voice, "You officially look adorable and Charlie will be expecting you in about thirty minutes."

"Sounds good," I responded. She gave my shoulder a sympathetic squeeze and skipped out of her giant closet, leaving me alone. I tried swallowing the huge lump in my throat, gathered my things, and prepared to go home.

EPOV

I was not sure how long I had been sitting. It could have been hours. It could have been days. I was beyond keeping track of the time as I tried to lose myself in the forest around me. Unfortunately, I could not _not_ feel the constant pain that gripped my frozen heart. I knew that I must have surely hurt Bella by running off instead of comforting her after the Volturi's visit but I could not find it in myself to comfort her. Everyone, Bella most importantly, had survived the newborn's attack unscathed and as soon as this realization dawned on me—that Bella was finally safe—I felt a sudden need to escape. So I ran to this spot, sank to the ground, and begin to sit.

By now, I had heard the entire story—that Bella had only kissed Jacob because she truly believed that he would kill himself if she didn't. She was so trusting and warm, it honestly was no surprise that she fell for his lies. Even so, I could not help the feeling of betrayal that her being with him instilled in me. I knew that I would have to face her eventually, that we had so much that we needed to discuss, but I could not find it in me to move from the spot that I sat in.

The buzzing from my cell phone interrupted my reverie. I checked the screen—Alice.

"Alice," I greeted my favorite sister, trying to make my voice sound more upbeat than I felt, but I knew there was no fooling the psychic.

"I just wanted you to know that I just dropped Bella off at home," she informed me quickly. I felt a stab of unease knowing that she was no longer in my home. I had been intentionally avoiding her, but it was still comforting to know that she was with my family but not anymore.

"Okay," I told Alice. Hesitating momentarily, "Thank you for getting her safely home."

"Of course. I love her too, Edward." With that, Alice hung up the phone.

Sighing, I finally stood from my sitting position and headed home.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you to those who gave me reviews- there were so kind and greatly appreciated! This chapter is finally going to give us a peek into just how deeply their separation has affected each of them.**

BPOV

I laid in my bed wondering what Edward was doing. Did he finally go home now that I had vacated the Cullen house? I hoped so; it was selfish of me to be the reason that he was unable to be around his family. A stab of guilt went through me as I realized how much of his family he gave up of his family just to constantly be with me. I was such a hideously selfish person and this realization weakened the stronghold on my tears and a sob ripped through me.

EPOV

I could not help it—I ran to Bella's house. Climbing up to her window, I smiled briefly as I remembered watching Bella sleep early on in our relationship, before she was even aware of my nightly visits. Relief filled my being as I peeked into Bella's room and saw her sleeping figure.

The smell of salt was still fresh in the air and I realized that she must have cried herself to sleep. A wave of pain washed over me momentarily; I knew that this was my fault. She did not deserve to be neglected in the way I had been. She would have surely been beating herself up about the entire situation, taking on the entirety of the blame in a way that only Bella could. Still, I was not sure what either of us could say to one another to fix the situation. I could not rid my mind of the constant, haunting image of Bella and Jacob in a passionate embrace, lips locked. Trying to ignore the sudden onslaught of agony that gripped me, I carefully dropped into Bella's room and sat in the rocking chair.

I quickly inspected what I could see of Bella, trying to make that sure that she had not been injured in any way since I had last laid eyes on her. I could not believe that it had only been a few hours since I had seen her—it seemed like years since we were truly together. Ah yes, the night of our engagement, the last night we were fully and completely together and happy. What a hideous turn things had taken since that.

Bella began to toss and turn in her sleep. "Edward," she murmured. I could not help the smile that hearing her say my name in her sleep brought to my face. "Edward…sorry," she mumbled and rolled over. Guilt washed over me, she had been beating herself up.

"No," Bella insisted. "No… don't leave. Not again." Agony. Either consciously or just subconsciously, she thought that her kissing Jacob would cause me to leave her again. How had the trust between us been shattered so quickly and completely? How would we fix it? I knew undoubtedly that even if we were never whole again, I would never, _could never_ , leave Bella again. I would stay with her forever, either watching over her or trying to repair the broken trust between us. But was I ready for the conversation we needed to have?

"Please!" Bella suddenly cried. "No, Edward, stay!" Tears began to stream down her cheeks and I knew she was having one of the abandonment nightmares that had haunted her in my absence. She screamed and started to thrash around in her sheets, sobs racking her small frame. "Not again, Edward, please stay!"

I could not bear to witness Bella in such pain and because of me. Before I could think about what I was doing, I was climbing into Bella's bed and drawing her to my chest. "Bella, my Bella," I murmured to her. "I will never leave, I can't ever leave." She stayed sleeping but quieted as she snuggled closer to my chest. Stroking her hair, I hummed her lullaby and held my angel as she slept peacefully.

BPOV

I woke feeling surprisingly refreshed even before I had opened my eyes. Instinctively, I reached for Edward's hand, but found nothing. My eyes finally snapped open as a stab of disappointment tore through me. It was strange that I had slept so soundly and had no nightmares without him here with me.

Climbing out of bed and sighing, I tried to remember the last time Edward and I had been together and happy. Our engagement. That night had gone so well, he had been so happy with me finally agreeing to his proposal. I couldn't believe that I had managed to sour our relationship so quickly after he had been so blissfully joyous. I still couldn't help but to be horrified at what I done with Jacob... _Jacob_. I had not seen or talked to him since the newborn battle. I knew that I would need to face him eventually, that I would need to make my feelings for him explicitly clear. I had chosen Edward the day that I walked into biology. Even as he glared at with me his onyx-black eyes, darkened from hunger, I had been his and no one else's. Jacob needed to know and finally accept that.

I knew that I could not delay the confrontation any longer, my confusing relationship with Jacob had caused enough damage. Today was the day that I needed to go to La Push and tell Jacob exactly how I felt. Feeling slightly better as I now had a plan of action, I got dressed quickly and ate a small bowl of cereal before bringing to truck to life and driving down to La Push.

It wasn't until I was down the street from Jacob's house that I began to feel nervous. How would Jacob take this? Would he become so angry and upset that he would phase? Would he ever speak to me again? Would the other pack members hate me? Distracted by my fears, I pulled into his driveway far too quickly that I wanted to. Unfortunately, I was not allowed any time to gather myself in my truck—Jacob came bounding out as soon as he heard my truck pull up. Shaking slightly, I climbed out just in time for him to wrap his huge arms me in a tight bear hug.

"Bella!" he sounded so happy, I couldn't believe what I was about to him. "I missed you. I haven't seen you since—"

"Yeah, I know," I cut him off before he could mention the infidelity by name. "I was just caught up in trying to keep my story with Charlie straight I guess." I hoped he couldn't sense my nervousness, I wanted him to remain his happy self for as long as possible.

"So, are you here just to hang out? We can ride bikes, we can hike, go down to the beach, we could—"

"Actually, Jake, I really need to talk to you," I felt bad for interrupting him again but I just wanted to get this conversation over with and get back to Edward as soon as possible.

"Oh." He seemed to notice my discomfort for the first time since I had arrived. "Well, alright. Let's talk." Grabbing my hand (I allowed it just this last time, trying to justify in my mind, but knowing that I just wanted to feel his hand in mine once more), he led me out to his garage. As we talked, I tried to gather any courage in my body as I prepared to hurt yet another person that I loved.

EPOV

I sat in my room, head in my hands. Part of me regretted leaving Bella before she awoke, but I knew that I still was not ready to face her yet. I still could not figure out what I would say to her. I had forgiven her, heck I had never blamed her, but I knew that if I talked to her in my current state, it would sound like I was blaming her. I would not be able to keep my pain and feelings of betrayal out of the conversation and I did not trust myself not to get upset with her in a moment of thoughtlessness. I needed to figure out how to cope with these feelings before I saw Bella so she did not think that I blamed her or that I was angry with her. I knew that I only had a limited amount of time in which to do so before she noticed that I was avoiding her.

Alice's frantic thoughts suddenly filled my head. _She's disappeared! Maybe she's just down at La Push. I_ think _she'll be okay. Please don't overreact._

"It's fine Alice," I tried to reassure her. I could not be upset that Alice had missed Bella disappearing when I was currently doing a pitiful job of protecting her. I tried to tell myself that Bella was down just spending time with Jacob, maybe even letting him down, but I could not help the voice of doubt in my head that insisted that she was down _with_ him. The agony that ripped through me at this thought was unbearable. Curling my knees into my chest, I tried to imagine that everything would work out, that Bella would come back and we would talk everything through.

"Edward," Alice's voice cut through the pain. I was unable to answer her. "Edward, I can't stand to see you like this. I can't stand to see either of you like this. You are being stubborn—both of you." I knew that Jasper must have felt my sudden pain and sent her up to talk to me. Alice continued. "Edward, you have to trust Bella. I can't see her right now, but I know that she _will_ come back to you. You two are meant to be and you can't let this come between you."

I finally looked up at her. "How Alice? She obviously wants him. He tricked her into kissing him, yes. But now she is down there with him so she obviously wants more—more that I cannot give her." She looked shocked at my sudden outburst but I continued before she could respond. "Did you _see_ that she wanted to make love to me, Alice? She _wanted_ me, and I had to refuse her, for her safety. But that dog can make love to her and I bet everything I have ever owned that he would not refuse her. He can give her _everything_. Physical love, children, old age, a real life. I cannot give her _any_ of that, Alice! So how can I not let this come between us? It already has and Bella has obviously already realized who is best for her. She has finally realized that she should not want to be with such a monster and I have to let her go because it is what's best for her." Breathing heavy for a moment, I felt a pain in my chest that was only championed by the pain I felt when I thought Bella was dead. The agony that gripped me truly overwhelmed and I collapsed on the floor, sobbing tearless sobs because the monster that I was was not worthy of crying actual tears.

Alice did not come over but I knew that she had not left the room. She did not approach me, but simply said, "It's not your choice to let her go and you need to talk to her before you ruin everything yourself." With that, she walked out.

 **I really hoped you liked this chapter- I think Edward was due for a little bit of a breakdown.**

 **I don't think that I'm actually going to write out Jacob and Bella's conversation, I really want to keep this story focused on Edward and Bella, not Jacob and Bella. The next chapter is most likely going to have Bella and Edward finally talking through everything! It might be a while though, I really want to do a good job of putting together the conversation.**

 **Thanks for sticking with this story!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry everyone, I lied. This chapter isn't going to include Bella and Edward's conversation but I had started to write it and it still needed more of a transition leading up to it so I wanted to leave you guys with this shorter transition chapter... But the next chapter will for sure have their conversation in it! I'd be more excited but I'm still torn about how it's gonna go!**

 **Thank you all for your amazingly positive reviews! Again, this is my first time writing fanfiction so it's just such great validation to get such wonderful feedback from you all!**

BPOV

Driving home from La Push became almost impossible with the tears streaming down my face and sobs racking my entire body. Jacob had taken it better than I had thought, saying that he didn't expect much else and was glad that he had tried everything he could to make me choose him. No, Jacob was fine. It was me who wasn't. I could no longer lie to myself, I loved Jacob. But I _needed_ Edward. Edward, who was avoiding me. Edward, who I hadn't seen in days. Edward, who I hadn't had a normal conversation with in so long. This knowledge only worsened the pain and driving became even more difficult. When I knew I could go no longer without endangering myself and everyone else on the road, I pulled to the shoulder and sobbed into the steering wheel, willing myself to stop crying.

I wasn't sure how much time had passed that I sat there. After what felt like hours, the tears finally stopped. As my breathing returned to normal, my thoughts became clearer. Edward. He didn't deserve my crying over Jacob, especially things were so rotten between us. Things couldn't stay this way. I needed to fix things—right now. I put my truck in drive and headed towards the Cullens' house.

EPOV

I did not move after Alice left my room. I sat, buried in thoughts of Jacob and Bella together and hopes of Bella and I together. I began to notice words coming from my mouth without my permission. Well, only one word. "Bella… Bella… Bella," I sobbed over and over. In my agony, I barely noticed Alice's re-entrance into my room.

"Edward?" she tried to pull me from my trance. "Edward, Bella left La Push. She's on her way over here. She's be arriving in about fifteen minutes."

Bella. Here. I could barely put together the words in my head and make sense of them. Was I ready to face her? Ironically, in that moment, Alice seemed able to read _my_ mind. "You love her, Edward. She loves you. You will be able to work this out." And in that moment, I finally believed her words. I was ready to face Bella. Yes, I had felt betrayed by her actions but our relationship was stronger than anything that might have happened between her and Jacob. It was time that we worked things out.


	5. Chapter 5

BPOV

I'd never felt more terrified about walking into the Cullen home, not even the very first time I visited. I almost smiled thinking about how Edward assumed I'd be scared of his family because they were _vampires_ , not just because they were his family. My, how things had changed since that first visit. In hindsight, our relationship seemed almost simple in comparison back then than it was now. Hopefully this conversation could help us get back to a more simplistic, uncomplicated relationship.

I entered the front room and was surprised when no Cullen member came to greet me. Surely they knew I was here. Maybe they had heard about my infidelity and none of them could stand the sight of me after I had hurt their brother and son in such a careless manner. I felt my nervousness grow when several seconds passed and I stood alone in the great house. I had about made up my mind to just leave when soft footsteps captured my attention.

Edward gracefully descended the staircase and walked towards me. I felt my breathing become shallow and my heartbeat pick up, knowing he could hear it too. Unlike the last time we were together, he stared straight into my eyes and refused to break the eye contact. I couldn't read anything in them though, he still kept his expression smooth. I wasn't sure what he was currently seeing on my face, I was too terrified to try to put together any functional expression. Edward stopped a few feet in front of me—a much larger distance between us than I would have normally like. "Hi," he murmured, almost anticlimactically.

"Hi," I whispered back.

"Al-Alice said that you were stopping by," he stuttered a moment before slipping into a conversational tone.

"Well, I guess she would know," I tried to keep my tone light as well, but my heart was certainly not in the teasing. He just smiled in response. "I thought that we could maybe talk for a while, if that's alright with you?"

"I think I am available for some time," he teased. The snarkier part of my subconscious couldn't help but wonder if he really was too busy for me or didn't want to see me for very long. I couldn't blame him if that were the case, I didn't deserve his time anymore, not after what I had done. No, I couldn't think like that, if we were ever going to fix things. Edward interrupted my thoughts as he gestured towards the dining room. "Shall we?" Not his bedroom, that couldn't be a good sign. I simply nodded and followed him to the dining table.

Ever the gentleman, Edward held out a chair for me and pushed it in once I was seated. I softly thanked him before he walked around and sat directly across from me. I nearly smiled at the arrangement, it reminded me of our first "date" in Port Angeles over a year ago. The almost-smile vanished when I realized that this was it. We were finally going to have to talk things out. Where would I even start?

Edward seemed to sense my discomfort. "My family thought it'd be best if we had some privacy for a while," he explained, apparently thinking that I was uncomfortable because I thought his family would be listening in. I realized that I had been worried about that as well and the thought of being completely alone for this conversation slightly comforted me. I just nodded in response.

"Edward I—," I began, not at all knowing what I was going to say.

"Yes Bella?" he answered softly, looking intently into my eyes.

I took in a deep breath, hoping it would give me some kind of courage. This was it. I just needed to come clean to him, once and for all.

"Edward, I just want you to know how sorry I am. For everything. For what happened with Jacob—," he winced at the reminder, but I pressed on, "I just, I… I know there's absolutely no excuse for what I did. I want to tell you that it was because I wanted to save him, because I thought I could save him from killing himself, but I would be lying if that were the case." At this, he gasped and pure agony filled his eyes.

"I understand completely, Bella," he sounded resigned as he moved to get up.

"No, Edward, please listen! I'm not finished," he waited, "I'm not sure what possessed me to… to kiss Jacob but I know that it's because I'm a selfish, awful, ungrateful person who doesn't deserve you. I kissed Jacob because I'm a terrible person. But I didn't kiss him because I don't love you. I love you so much and I want nothing more than to marry you and be your wife and spend forever with you… if you'll still have me." My little speech left me completely in tears, but I had done it. I had told him everything. Now it was up to him.

He didn't speak at first. His eyes lowered from mine to looking down at the table. His fists clenched and I waited for him to respond. Several seconds passed and he still didn't speak. I began to fidget in my chair. Finally, he raised his eyes to mine and opened his mouth.

"Bella," he began, "I just want you to know that above all, I love you. I love you with my entire being. I will always love you. You have altered my entire body to where every cell of me aches with love for you. That will never change." I felt my heart begin to soar at his words but I could feel the other shoe about to drop. He took a deep breath before continuing. "Bella, I do not exactly know what to say to you because I cannot describe how I feel. I have sat for the last few days thinking about how I felt, trying to put into words. But I was unable to do so and that is partly why I avoided you—I had nothing real to say to you yet. I want you to know, I _need_ you to know that I do not blame you nor am I angry with you," I began to relax a little, even knowing that I did not deserve such quick forgiveness from him, "Even so, I cannot help feeling… betrayed still. I know that Jacob tricked but I just… I… I couldn't…" I had never seen him struggle so hard for words before. He drew in another deep breath, but exhaled in shakily and something in him seemed to change. Suddenly, none of the pain in his eyes was concealed. He was staring at me, eyes pleading with me, with nothing but pure and completely agony in them. Horror washed over me as I realized that I had caused Edward so much pain.

"It hurt Bella! It hurt so much, seeing you _with_ him. And then Alice saw you disappear and I knew you were with him. I wanted to trust you, that nothing was happening between you and Jacob, but I couldn't help but imagine what might be going on." I gasped as I realized how careless I had been. Of course Edward would construe my going down to La Push earlier today as choosing Jacob over him. Was there anything I had done in the past few days that hadn't hurt Edward in _some_ way? "I knew that you loved me but what if… what if you had realized that you should be with him instead of me? What if that was what you really wanted? A physical relationship, children, a real life. You should have that with him instead of nothing with me. I can't give you _anything_ that he can and I always knew but what if you had finally realized that too? I messed everything up when I left. I sent you into another man's arms and I have no right to be in pain because of something that I caused." Hearing Edward blame himself for a wrongdoing that was only mine broke my heart. "And I knew I was wrong for that way I acted with you, ignoring you and avoiding you, but I just couldn't face you. Deep down, I did not want to risk seeing if you looked at me differently, if you no longer loved me. I even checked up on you last night—you had a nightmare and I laid with you while you slept, but I left before you woke up because I couldn't bear facing you yet." This was a surprise to me, I hadn't realized that he had been there and I didn't even notice that I'd had a nightmare. Part of me was pleased that even though I wasn't aware of it, that I still got to sleep with Edward in my bed last night. "Bella, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for ruining things between us and I'm sorry for hurting you and causing you nightmares and… I'm just sorry," he sobbed out. He dropped his head onto the table and covered it with his arms, crying tearless sobs for something that I had done to him. I had never seen Edward in so much pain. I had never seen him so vulnerable before and I couldn't believe how insecure he felt and how much pain and blame he was shouldering because of me. I tried to think of words that could take his pain away, but I couldn't think of any. Then I realized.

There weren't words adequate enough to take Edward's pain away because there weren't words adequate enough to describe how deeply I felt for Edward. It finally dawned on me that I would have to _show_ Edward, that I would have to do something to try to take Edward's pain away. I quickly ran up the stairs, leaving him collapsed in his misery on the dining table. I wasn't sure if he noticed my absence. I darted into Edward's room, trying to remember where he kept everything. It took a few minutes, but I finally found what I needed. Luck seemed to be on my side as I ran back down the stairs without falling flat on my face—God knew that this situation really didn't need a trip to the emergency room on top of everything else.

Edward was still in the position that I had left him in, head down on the table, quietly sobbing. His pain tore at my heart, but I tried to reassure myself that I would soon relieve his agony. I walked over to him and knelt beside him. "Edward," I tried, placing my hand on his arms. He didn't respond.

"Edward, please look at me," I tried again. This time, he slowly raised his head and looked at me, still with pain in his eyes. I sucked in some air and began, "Edward, you have absolutely no reason to be sorry, for _anything_. This whole thing is my fault. Your leaving is not your fault—you did it to protect me. My relationship with Jacob was because of me and my leading him on was because of me and my kissing him was because of me. You have done nothing but love and protect me and I don't deserve it. I just wish I knew what I could say to you to take away your pain. I wish I knew the words to describe how much I love you but I don't. All I do know is that I love you more than everyone else in the world combined and I want to spend forever with you…as your wife." His eyes filled with surprise at my words. I pulled out the ring box that I had grabbed from his bedroom and pressed it into his hand. "Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, can I have the honor of officially being your fiancée and proudly wearing your mother's ring?"

Edward's face lit up with elation at my proposal and the pain that had seemed constant in his eyes finally disappeared. A huge smile broke on his face and he pulled me into a tight embrace, almost to the point of discomfort, but I couldn't bother to care in that moment. When he finally pulled away, there was some apprehension left in his expression.

"Bella, are you sure?" he seemed uncertain. "You don't have to prove anything to me. Don't get me wrong, I want nothing more than for you to be my wife, but not if you are trying to suppress other emotions or think you owe me something. Truly, I will understand."

"Edward," I sighed. "This isn't because of my feelings for Jacob. This isn't because of guilt. This is because I love _you_. And it was just in these past few days that I realized how much I needed you and loved you and that I wanted everyone to know that I officially chose you and that I am going to spend the rest of my life with you."

The uncertainty vanished from his eyes and he simply said, "Okay," before pressing his lips to mine in a passionate kiss. All the tension and angst from the past few days melted away in those moments and I could feel nothing but pure bliss and love in his kiss. I was finally certain that we would be okay and that I would spend forever with Edward Cullen.

He murmured "I love you," against my lips and I could only moan in response. He chuckled in the back of his throat and finally pulled away, excitement lit in his eyes. I searched for any signs of insecurity or doubt, but could only see love—pure love for me. I had never been more certain of Edward's love for me than I was in that moment and I hoped that he had finally accepted mine. We were meant to be together and now we had forever ahead of us.

 **And there we go! I apologize for the ending- I couldn't really figure out any other way than to just get really cheesy with it. I think I might do the same chapter from Edward's point of view and that that will probably be the last chapter. I don't think I'll keep going because from here, the plot would just continue onto Breaking Dawn, my fanfic was just meant to be a little detour:)**

 **Thanks again for reading and please leave me reviews! If I finish EPOV of the this chapter, I'll probably go back and starting cleaning and editing the previous chapters so any typos there might be will be gone soon enough!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hi everyone! This is just an update. I realize that I have not posted anything in a while because I was unsure if I was going to continue the story or just end it with their conversation from Bella's POV. But I am going to continue with that same chapter from Edward's POV!**

 **I'm still not sure if the story will go any farther past that, I don't have much more to say, but I'm currently working chapter 6 so expect it sometime tomorrow or the day after!**

 **Thanks everyone!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Alright everyone, this is only half of the previous chapter from EPOV but I promised you an upload by yesterday and while I am still working on the chapter as we speak, I wanted to give you all** ** _something_** **since this is already late! The rest is coming ASAP, I promise!**

EPOV

I heard Bella's truck from miles down the road. I really did need to get her a new car, her old Chevy was abysmal. She parked the truck but did not exit immediately. She was nervous. Nervous for what? To tell me that things were over? To tell me what happened between her and Jacob in La Push? I only hoped that my feelings would not sway her decisions, that she would make the choice that made her happiest. Finally, she got out of the car and walked through my front door.

I knew that I should have been there to greet her but I found myself frozen at the top of the stairs. It was only Bella's nervous heartbeat that put my legs in motion and I walked down the stairs to meet her. When she finally saw me, her breathing became shallow and her heartbeat picked up. Normally, I would smile at her reaction, but a smile was the last expression that my face would show. I kept my eyes locked with hers, trying to read her silent mind through them, but only picking up bewilderment and nervousness. I walked slowly towards her, stopping a few feet in front of her. It was a larger distance than normal, but I figured that she would not want my proximity. "Hi," I finally greeted her.

"Hi," she barely made out. The memory of the last time I heard her voice, screaming in a nightmare for me not to leave, pierced me with pain. I struggled to keep my tone even and light.

"Alice said that you were stopping by."

"Well, I guess that she would know," she teased back. I felt a smile creep onto my face for the first time even though I could not tell if she was being conversational out of politeness or trying to mask her feelings as well. "I thought that we could maybe talk for a while, if that's alright with you?" This answered my question: Bella was nervous. She thought that I did not want to see her.

I tried to reassure her. "I think I am available for some time." My tone was teasing as well, but her eyes filled with pain. Remorse immediately filled me, knowing that despite my intentions, she had taken my words to heart. I tried to distract her. "Shall we?" I gestured towards the dining room. I would have preferred my bedroom, but did not want to press my luck in our current situation. Bella followed me to the table and waited as I held out her chair for her. She thanked me, her voice not much louder than a whisper. I quickly walked to the seat directly across from her and studied her face. A small smile played on her lips. I had no idea what she could possibly be thinking about that would cause her to smile but I did not want to distract her by asking. I waited patiently for her to say something, _anything_ , the words that would break my cold dead heart, _Edward, I choose Jacob._ But those words did not come, nor any other words. Eventually, I noticed that she seemed ill at ease. I chastised myself realizing that she was under the impression that my family was around and would be listening in on our conversation. "My family thought it'd be best if we had some privacy for a while," I tried to reassure her but she only gave me a small nod. I went back to waiting for the axe to fall.

"Edward, I—," she finally spoke, not forming a complete sentence.

"Yes, Bella?" I tried to reassure her by keeping the tension I felt out of my voice and keeping eye contact with her. Not for the first time, I desperately wished that I knew what she was thinking, what she was afraid to say. As she took a deep breath, I instinctually knew that this was it. The moment I had dreaded since the first time I laid eyes on her. She no longer loved me. And I would try to accept that.

 **Thank you again for reading! Your reviews are desperately appreciated!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Here is the next chunk in Edward's POV. I'm hoping that the next chapter is just the rest of the conversation but it's slow going because I'm trying to add in his feelings and thoughts as I go instead of just changing pronouns! As always, I appreciate your reviews- thanks everyone!**

"Edward, I just want you to know how sorry I am." Of course she would feel sorry for not loving me anymore, I just wished there was some way I could relieve her guilt. She continued though, "For everything. For what happened with Jacob—," I could not help but to wince even though I figured she would bring him into the conversation at some point, "I just, I… I know there's absolutely no excuse for what I did. I want to tell you that it was because I wanted to save him, because I thought I could save him from killing himself, but I would be lying if that were the case." It was true. She loved him. She had chosen him. I gasped as the pain of the reality set in. If I were human, the agony would have knocked me unconscious. I tried to focus—I knew that my job was still to protect Bella, I had to make sure that she felt no guilt in her decision.

"I understand completely, Bella," I told her, starting to get up to walk her out of my home for probably the final time.

"No, Edward, please listen! I'm not finished." What more could she have to say; she'd made her point pretty clearly. Nevertheless, I stopped and waited for her to continue, "I'm not sure what possessed me to… to kiss Jacob but I know that it's because I'm a selfish, awful, ungrateful person who doesn't deserve you." Oh love, how untrue this was. I was undeserving of her—her warmth, her love, her trust, her kindness. "I kissed Jacob because I'm a terrible person. But I didn't kiss him because I don't love you." This didn't make sense, we had already established that she no longer loved me, that she had moved on and had chosen Jacob. "I love you so much and I want nothing more than to marry you and be your wife and spend forever with you… if you'll still have me." I barely noticed that Bella had started crying, I was trying to process her words.

She loved me. She still acted out of feelings for Jacob, but she hadn't stopped loving me. For the first time in our conversation, I had to break eye contact with Bella. I needed a break from the insightful gaze of her brown eyes to think of a response. How would I respond to her? How would I alleviate her guilt but still be honest with her? Not knowing what exactly was going to come out my mouth, not entirely in control of my speech, I began


	9. Chapter 9

**Finally! Here it is everybody, the final section of Edward's POV! I'm so excited to share this with you all. I'm not sure if I will continue this story from here- I don't have much more to say. The conflict I created is now resolved and there's not much to add. But please continue to review because if I'm inspired once more, I may add more or start another fanfiction.**

"Bella," I began, "I just want you to know that above all, I love you. I love you with my entire being. I will always love you. You have altered my entire body to where every cell of me aches with love for you. That will never change." I was not sure what I was about to say but I needed her to know that nothing that had happened in the last few days, heck, nothing that would or could ever happen could ever change my feelings for her. I took a deep breath and continued. "Bella, I do not exactly know what to say to you because I cannot describe how I feel. I have sat for the last few days thinking about how I felt, trying to put into words. But I was unable to do so and that is partly why I avoided you—I had nothing real to say to you yet." This was good, if nothing else, I could let her know how was I feeling, maybe this would alleviate some of the guilt I knew she felt. "I want you to know, I _need_ you to know that I do not blame you nor am I angry with you." This would never change. I briefly considered stopping here, not telling her the entirety of the emotions, how much pain I was in. I knew that it would be easier on her if she never knew how much her actions affected me. But I also knew that I needed to get it all out if we were to ever completely move forward. I had never ever revealed any depth of my pain in front of Bella; I barely knew where to begin… "Even so, I cannot help feeling… betrayed still. I know that Jacob tricked you but I just… I… I couldn't…" I had no words. This was so much more difficult than I had thought. I drew in a deep breath then exhaled it, trying to plan my next sentence. _Tell her_ , part of me commanded, _Tell her how you feel._ Bella was such an honest person, her feelings always apparent in her beautiful eyes. I knew, shamefully, that I had never been completely honest with my feelings in our relationship. I knew that I needed to. I felt my careful façade slip away, felt my expression change. I registered the shock on Bella's face as she finally saw the depth of my pain for the first time. I did not stop there, I finally wanted her to know, to know how much I was suffering, to know how much I was hurting. The filter that guarded my speech vanished and I was hardly aware of the words pouring out of my mouth.

"It hurt Bella! It hurt so much, seeing you _with_ him. And then Alice saw you disappear and I knew you were with him. I wanted to trust you, that nothing was happening between you and Jacob, but I couldn't help but imagine what might be going on." I heard her gasp, obviously surprised with my sudden outburst. "I knew that you loved me but what if… what if you had realized that you should be with him instead of me? What if that was what you really wanted? A physical relationship, children, a real life. You should have that with him instead of nothing with me. I can't give you _anything_ that he can and I always knew but what if you had finally realized that too? I messed everything up when I left. I sent you into another man's arms and I have no right to be in pain because of something that I caused. And I knew I was wrong for that way I acted with you, ignoring you and avoiding you, but I just couldn't face you. Deep down, I did not want to risk seeing if you looked at me differently, if you no longer loved me. I even checked up on you last night—you had a nightmare and I laid with you while you slept, but I left before you woke up because I couldn't bear facing you yet. Bella, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for ruining things between us and I'm sorry for hurting you and causing you nightmares and… I'm just sorry," my voice broke into a sob as I finished. I could not even bother to be ashamed that I had raised my voice with Bella or that she was seeing me like this, my grief suddenly overwhelmed me and my head dropped onto the table. I covered my face with my arms and cried tearless sobs. I do not know how long I sat and sobbed, but I was only vaguely aware of Bella getting up and walking somewhere in the house. In my painful state, I could not manage the curiosity to see where she had gone to.

I was so distracted by my agony that I did not even notice that she had reentered or that she was speaking to me.

"Edward, please look at me," Bella pleaded. I raised my head and looked at her, afraid to see the effect my behavior had had on her. She took a deep breath, "Edward, you have absolutely no reason to be sorry, for _anything_. This whole thing is my fault." _Oh Bella, that is just not true_.  
"Your leaving is not your fault—you did it to protect me." _Again, not true. This whole mess was my fault from the moment I fell in love with you._ "My relationship with Jacob was because of me and my leading him on was because of me and my kissing him was because of me. You have done nothing but love and protect me and I don't deserve it." _Bella, you deserve everything I could ever hope to give you and everything that I am unable to give you_. "I just wish I knew what I could say to you to take away your pain. I wish I knew the words to describe how much I love you but I don't. All I do know is that I love you more than everyone else in the world combined and I want to spend forever with you…as your wife." _Wife?_ Had she really said wife? Realization dawned on me as her words processed in my mind. She was accepting my proposal. She pulled out the ring box that I had been keeping in my bedroom, unsure of it would ever be used, and pressed it into his hand. "Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, can I have the honor of officially being your fiancée and proudly wearing your mother's ring?"

Part of me couldn't help but to be horrified that this proposal had become untraditional, but a larger part of me could not help the pure, unadulterated joy that filled my being. After being without contact for so long, it suddenly became unbearable and I embraced my love, perhaps a little too tight. I kept my arms wrapped around her for an unmeasurable amount of time before a nagging thought came to my head; she was trying to prove her love for me. I pulled back.

"Bella, are you sure?" I asked, searching her eyes, looking for signs of uncertainty. "You don't have to prove anything to me. Don't get me wrong, I want nothing more than for you to be my wife, but not if you are trying to suppress other emotions or think you owe me something. Truly, I will understand."

"Edward," she sighed. "This isn't because of my feelings for Jacob. This isn't because of guilt. This is because I love _you_. And it was just in these past few days that I realized how much I needed you and loved you and that I wanted everyone to know that I officially chose you and that I am going to spend the rest of my life with you." For the first time, I believed her. I did not know what had changed, what about me had changed or what about her had changed, but I finally heard her words and truly believed her.

Reeling from my emotions and overwhelmed by her proposal, all I could manage was, "Okay," before kissing her. It had only been a few days since I had last felt her lips on mine, but it felt like years. There had been so much tension between us and I wanted to kiss it away, kiss away the pain that both of us had suffered, and begin this new chapter together with nothing but love. "I love you," I said against her lips and she only managed back a moan. I chuckled as I pulled away and stared into her eyes—lit with love and happiness. I knew these same feelings were reflected in my expression, because for the first time, I truly and completely believed in Bella's love for me and our love for one another.

 **The End (most likely). I do have a few ideas about perhaps Tanya making an appearance so we'll see. I think for now, I'm gonna go back and edit! Thanks for sticking with this story and please give me reviews!**


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